Tomorrow Is the Day

That's right, tomorrow is the day Justice returns to racing, its all very exciting. Hopefully he wins. It's needless to say that their will be lots of pictures.

But, I do wonder at the sanity of my brother at times. He's a physchotic smart arse. Sometimes its scary. You wonder if he'll really hurt you this time? (to be added to my list of wonderings!) It makes you feel bad, all the yelling and fighting, like it's your fault. You want to harm yourself, you want to feel loved. And they you wonder if you are capable of loving.

I mean, I care about people, but do I love them? I don't know that I know love.
I love Justice, that was inevitable in the end.

Wish us luck tomorrow!

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Justice

I Wonder

I spend much of my day staring into space and daydreaming. And then when I get to bed, my mind is in overdrive, and I start wondering things.

So here is my list of wonderings:

• I wonder what it's like to feel no pain.
• I wonder if God really did speak to Moses.
• I wonder what it's like not to feel sad.
• I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been introduced to Justice and the other horses I work with.
• I wonder what would have happen if I'd stood up for myself in primary school.
• I wonder at wondering.
• I wonder why bad things keep happening.

And then I stop. And feel sad again. Because the bad things keep happening, and I wonder, "where did I go wrong?". And then I cry myself to sleep.

It's a sad cycle that I wish would stop, but, it is going to be my life it would seem. Depressing.

And to add insult to injury, I couldn't get to sleep last night due to pain in my wrist that stopped me typing last night. I had to patch up. Miraculous things those patches.

Mine are called Icewave, they take the pain away, using light crystals and acupuncture points. Amazing.

Only two more days til Justice's race.

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG and Justice

Getting Tricky

I feel dull, lifeless, exhausted, like I don't want to go on.

There is only two more days left of community service, thank god. I mean don't get me wrong, the people are great, it's just tiring, and I'm tired, and in pain. I just want to be with the horses because it's the only place where I feel right, and happy and like I belong.
I don't feel like that anywhere else anymore. I'm just not happy anymore.
Kill me. It's ridiculous. I've never wanted to go back to school so much in my life!!!!

I don't know what to write, or what to do.. I have to stop typing now, it's hurting my wrist.

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Justice