It feels like forever since I last updated this. Who am I kidding it has been forever. When did I last update? Like december, and now its what, april? So so much has happened since I last wrote. Where to start....
Well, I left the stables for starters. They weren't giving me the time of day, so I was like 'eh, time for a new job'. Which I did get by the way, and that was a pretty lame attempt. I did great at getting the job, but they didn't even like me from the very first moment I started. And, well, I didn't realise sweeping required a certificate to do.... "you need to sweep with a purpose" and "it's not about how slow you can go".... Seriously? Needless to say that job lasted a day. Yes, you read that correctly, a day. And my final act of revenge? I didn't tell them I quit, which I think was evened out with the fact that I never saw any money for that one day of torture.
And then there was the awkward moment where I lead out another stables horse at the races, right past them... Never been so embarassed or freaked out in my life. But its over now. Phew.
And I enjoyed a wonderful eight week holiday. Not that it was particularly awesome, because you know, being me and all entails some sort of mental breakdown at some stage... And it happened. At 3am. Thankfully. I've been harming too, but thats a seperate and touchy issue, so we'll leave that for another time.
You know, I'd almost liken self harm to a fist fight. Two sides hitting eachother. Only when you fight yourself, you can only hit yourself. Hows that for helping people understand?
And then there was going back to school. That was such a complex thing for me. My former friends just stopped talking to me, and even now they just like right through me like I don't exsist. Do you know what its like to be invisible. So I worried about that, going back to school. And then there was the slight issue of there no longer being any teachers who knew me at school. That was the scariest part for me. I hadn't felt that alone for quite some time. But my fears amounted to very little, as I said, said group ignores me and I've found some much nicer friends. And I've befriended (if you like) a new teacher.
But that thing with school is, I just can't make myself care. I know I'm good academically, but getting me to do stuff is another matter altogether. I tell teachers to get stuffed, and they leave me alone. Hardly ideal, but thats my life. And I couldn't quite settle in the entire length of term one. I still haven't. It's, I don't know what it is, but its making me hurt all that more inside. Feel like I'm just bleeding sometimes.
And then there was today.
The first stable offered me my job back. And it was one of those freak instances too. Like, hehe woooooo. I was supposed to go the Ballarat with some people from said stable because we're still mates, but they didn't end up going and no one told me that! So I go to the stables. Fail? I think so. However, I left with my old job and I got to see Jarred. Not bad at all. And you'll be glad to know Jarred is doing well. He's had two races now, not winning but he's city class and things can only go up for him!
Jarred at his all important first race start, acting the fool as always
Oh, and the all important Justice update!
He popped up with a new trainer, and has since strung together two wins. I was so excited to see that he'd finally broken his maiden. His last race was on Feb 19th, so I think he's gone to the paddock. Not a day goes by where I don't miss my baby, but I'm stoked his finally showing everyone he can race. You go Justi!
Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG
