Spinning

So it's monday. I hate mondays. Mostly because it's on the back of a weekend where I haven't gotten much rest. Or maybe it's just because it's monday. But then it doesn't really matter right?

But on saturday I worked and saw my lovely, and currently exceptionally grumpy filly Hope. Then I was off to the races in my black jeans. Stupid, stupid decision that was. It was 29degrees and I'm gallavanting around Moonee Valley in my black jeans. I'll never do that again.
It was 27 degrees when we went out for dinner at dad's step mum's place. My cousins were there, and I was yet to realise that this would be on of the best nights of my life.

The warmer weather worried me at first, because my latest mark is still healing and at that time it was bright red. If mum noticed, she didn't say. But I don't think she has because she hasn't mentioned talking to anyone about it again. Which is a good thing. The only thing that annoys her now is my lack of drive when it comes to eating. I've only lost one kilo, but to her it's the world. I put it down to simple things, such as my general unhappiness, and stress levels. When I'm stressed and unhappy, I stop eating. That's just how it is. I'm just glad I don't put on weight, because with all my injuries this could have been a disaster.

So anyway, back to saturday night.
Dad's stepmum's house is on a close/grove thing. It's not a court so I won't call it that. But at the end of her close/grove thing there's what we like to call a reserve. I don't think it really classes as a reserve but hey. It has storm water drains, grass and trees. It was getting dark, it was still warm and we decided, what better thing to do than spin around like a bunch of loonies. We promptly did this.
And at this point you're probably thinking "what the hell" and you can think what the hell, but please, you've got to try this. The world is spinning by you, and your breathing feels as regular as it's ever been. Your limbs no longer ache, but you're fully aware of those spinning around you. And then out of nowhere someone jumps out infront of you and you fall mid-spin flat on your face. You find you can no longer breathe and your head hurts. You're laughing so hard that you fell over that you've just realised you knocked the wind out of yourself. When you stand you fall again, and rise slowly before moving in a sideward motion. Your head aches, and you're still laughing and the world no longer seems real.

If it still seems odd, that's ok. But I've never felt more like me in such a long time as I did when I was spinning like a loon laughing and enjoying myself with my cousins. Just as it had been in years gone past.

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

I choose to like the above statement (yep George B. Shaw again). It just rings true for so many situations. What makes you important if you sit and let the world pass you by, and then you complain because it has passed you by?
I have a friend like that, she actually *really* annoys me. No, thats wrong. She beyond annoys me. That's probably mean, but hey! She's meaner than me, and believe me when I say that says something.

But that's really neither here nor there, and I shouldn't get enjoyment out of pissing her off. But I do. So it obviously makes me horrible.. Or does it not?

But really, enough of that.
I visited the champ on sunday. Good ol' Apache Cat, he wasn't being very sociable, but he's a bit aloof like that. Got some nice photos anyway. Might draw from one later. We met our horse Chocky, she's really cuddly. It's cute.
And I worked that morning too, so I saw my hip hop Hope. She's such a darl. Knows me now, always comes to the front of her stall. She strained a muscle in her rump, so I don't know when she'll do track work again. But hopefully soon so that we can get to the races and see what she can do!

So then, I suddenly was floored by this incredible low. And lo and behold, there's a new mark on my arm. Am I proud of this? No, but then I never have been. I just find that the scars mean about as much to me as my pencil case, and my pencil case doesn't mean a whole lot to me. I just sort of wish I wouldnt do it, like it would stop crossing my mind. It's self defeating something like this. You just can't control it. I think I'm going to start wearing my rubber bands again, and see if that makes any sort of difference. Will I do it again? Probably, I mean.. well I don't know what I mean. I reckon I will do it. And I don't know when it will stop. Just like I don't know when things will be better and all that stuff.

I think I'll leave you with a photo of me and Apache:

There was no food in my hands, I swear

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG and Hope

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

So so true. I love the words of George Bernard Shaw, they're poetic and true. No crap in between. My homeroom teacher put me onto him today, when I was skipping physical education.
You could have knocked me over with a feather today when my PE teacher said I could go see if he was in his office. I was like 'come again'. But, she let me go, which was good.
We talked about my family issues for a bit, and then we were done. He told me that Mum yelling at me is a reflection of her, not me. It really had nothing to do with me, it showed more about her, than it did about me. I will have to try and remember that next time people yell at me. He reckons its a lot like when a student says/screams that they "hate the school, and you (the teacher) and this class". Apparently, they don't hate the teacher or the school, and they don't really hate the subject. They're probably just bored.
I like his way of thinking.

We also have our annual year level retreat day tomorrow. And there is this conflict workshop that my homeroom teacher is running. I helped come up with examples, they're actually really funny. It's sad that they're true though. Ah the mystery of the teenage girl.

But what I was going to talk about was fashions and how much I hate it. I think it's just because I don't get it. I mean, who wants to continually change their entire wardrobe. Not me. But some people enjoy it.

Anyhoo.. I'm being kicked off the computer.

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope (whom I've since actually dubbed Hip Hop Hope, too bad thats not her real name)

Are They Completely Nuts?

I think so yes.

Because you see, last time I was left alone at home with my brother and sister I was stabbed. Fantastic. So when Mum decides that I'm going to do this all over again I freak out. Now, nothing has happened yet, thankfully, but there's still time. But hopefully, nothing goes wrong. Hopefully.
I can't believe she did this to me anyway. Why? Why? Why? I guess I'll never know. And I'm not entirely sure I want to know really. So I'll leave it at that.

But, I'm definitely going to visit the Apache on sunday, so it's looking pretty sweet. Just have to get there and that's half the battle as we all know.

Hip Hop Hope

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG and Hope

Marlo is Stoned No More

I saw something amazing at about 2.30am this morning. Marlo (yes the goldfish) went for a swim. I know, amazing right? Considering he spent that last few days being a stoner, (did i mention that?), I was shocked to death that he'd bothered moving let alone actually eat his food.



Several hours later, which as it happens was a reasonable hour, the day actually begun. And throughout this day I learnt that I'm apparently a horrible excuse for a human being, who lacks respect for everyone and is just plain rude. Not that I can really argue with the aforementioned statements, I think the way she went about saying them was wrong. Screaming these things at me is not going to get me to listen. I don't believe it takes a genius to work that out. I hid in my room for much of what was remaining of the day and stuck some photos of Hope up on my wall.


Good times. Not that it's really good. I spose it's just normal for me. The everyday screaming match. What is my life without them?

Racing shot from saturday... Starspangledbanner (yellow silks) wins the HDF McNeill Stakes:

And while on photography, I've really come to love this blog. The Simply Sailing post made me smile.. eyeless waffle monster!

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

End Week

Another friday has passed, and another saturday ends.

Spent the day at the races, and some fair time with my Hope horse. Good photos once again, could only have been better if it was sunny. Haven't really spoke to Apache's crew much lately, but I'm now looking forward to visiting the Apache not this sunday (as in tomorrow) but the next. Exciting times.

But my Hope horse, she's funny.

As I walked her this morning (she didn't do trackwork, not sure why) I really noticed how much smaller than Justice she is. It's funny now, going from big, crazy/pyscho Justice, to small and relatively quiet Hope. It's nice in a way I guess.

They both share that same love of grass and hugs now. Yes, Hope and I have established hugs.

I stopped by on my way home from the races, and spent some 10mins cuddling, patting and playing with her. She thinks it's fun to eat my fingers, and for that matter my camera. I disagree, but that is probably expected. And I spose now that I have really bonded with my new horse. She is mine, now lets see someone take her from me. Hilarious and it won't happen.

Hope playing with me this afternoon...

Unfortunately, I've gone backwards on the whole self harm thing. Not proud of it, but apparently such is life. Point is, no one says anything, so it's all good for the time being.

I stayed back after school on friday to talk with my homeroom teacher. I can never get out what I need to get out. We focused on my pain, and I cried. It's harsh I guess. But what do you do?

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG and Hope

The Universe Really does Hate Me, and Possibly Pirate too.

I got home from school this afternoon to find my fish Jaws dead. I'm thinking now "c'mon man! Why do my fish keep dying!"


So we took a sample of the water to our local aquarium, and they reckon it's not the water killing the fish. I'm just unlucky (I'll say).


When Fanta died, Pirate was too lonely, staring into the corner of his tank and such. So I got a new fish while we were there. I picked out this grey type fish, with pale gold markings, not unlike those of a tiger. When they were putting him in his 'take home' bag, they added this anti-stress liquid to the water. For the threeodd hours I've had this fish, he's been sitting on the bottom of the tank looking completely stoned.



Now there's this show called The Wire that I watch. And one of the drug dealers is called Marlo. Now Marlo is this ultra serious dude, someone you don't cross. I think he's pretty cool. And following the druggy theme, my new fish's name is Marlo.



Marlo, my readers, readers Marlo:

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope