I couldn't think of a clever title

Today's Weight: 69kg

I just shouldn't ever bring my problems up with other people. They're usually right and I don't want them to be, so I get agitated and even more upset than I originally was.

What is the point of that? You don't know? Wonderful.

Just wonderful.

Because, I think my best friend hates me. Or at least just doesn't want to be friends anymore. She claims there is nothing wrong, but I don't believe her. I'm staring at that message like its all lies. How can nothing be wrong when she's attached at the hip to her old best friend and didn't even greet me on the first day of school until I said hi to her? How can nothing be wrong when I'm the one who always organises get togethers? How can nothing be wrong when she claims this is due to laziness, but all summer I watch her organise things with other people? Huh? Huh? But no, there's absolutely nothing wrong!

But I feel like there is. No one just does that, do they? It's definitely not a sign of friendship.

This whole situation reeks of deja vu. Because this is exactly what happened last year. I was no longer included in out of school get togethers and then when the summer holidays rolled around they just cut me off without a word. Of course, after they commited the crime of rumour spreading.

Just because its partially true does not mean you can say it. I don't do it to anyone. Do you know why? Because it hurts. I feel poorer for having trusted people, for letting them into my life. Why did I do it? I must have some kind of death wish, because having friends is killing me. Slowly and painfully.

Fuck. It's just not fair, I know I say this a lot, but its just not fair. Some people have it so easy, and its just not fair. Why do I have to work so hard to be let down all the time?

Anyone?

- CG