Are They Completely Nuts?

I think so yes.

Because you see, last time I was left alone at home with my brother and sister I was stabbed. Fantastic. So when Mum decides that I'm going to do this all over again I freak out. Now, nothing has happened yet, thankfully, but there's still time. But hopefully, nothing goes wrong. Hopefully.
I can't believe she did this to me anyway. Why? Why? Why? I guess I'll never know. And I'm not entirely sure I want to know really. So I'll leave it at that.

But, I'm definitely going to visit the Apache on sunday, so it's looking pretty sweet. Just have to get there and that's half the battle as we all know.

Hip Hop Hope

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG and Hope

Marlo is Stoned No More

I saw something amazing at about 2.30am this morning. Marlo (yes the goldfish) went for a swim. I know, amazing right? Considering he spent that last few days being a stoner, (did i mention that?), I was shocked to death that he'd bothered moving let alone actually eat his food.



Several hours later, which as it happens was a reasonable hour, the day actually begun. And throughout this day I learnt that I'm apparently a horrible excuse for a human being, who lacks respect for everyone and is just plain rude. Not that I can really argue with the aforementioned statements, I think the way she went about saying them was wrong. Screaming these things at me is not going to get me to listen. I don't believe it takes a genius to work that out. I hid in my room for much of what was remaining of the day and stuck some photos of Hope up on my wall.


Good times. Not that it's really good. I spose it's just normal for me. The everyday screaming match. What is my life without them?

Racing shot from saturday... Starspangledbanner (yellow silks) wins the HDF McNeill Stakes:

And while on photography, I've really come to love this blog. The Simply Sailing post made me smile.. eyeless waffle monster!

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

End Week

Another friday has passed, and another saturday ends.

Spent the day at the races, and some fair time with my Hope horse. Good photos once again, could only have been better if it was sunny. Haven't really spoke to Apache's crew much lately, but I'm now looking forward to visiting the Apache not this sunday (as in tomorrow) but the next. Exciting times.

But my Hope horse, she's funny.

As I walked her this morning (she didn't do trackwork, not sure why) I really noticed how much smaller than Justice she is. It's funny now, going from big, crazy/pyscho Justice, to small and relatively quiet Hope. It's nice in a way I guess.

They both share that same love of grass and hugs now. Yes, Hope and I have established hugs.

I stopped by on my way home from the races, and spent some 10mins cuddling, patting and playing with her. She thinks it's fun to eat my fingers, and for that matter my camera. I disagree, but that is probably expected. And I spose now that I have really bonded with my new horse. She is mine, now lets see someone take her from me. Hilarious and it won't happen.

Hope playing with me this afternoon...

Unfortunately, I've gone backwards on the whole self harm thing. Not proud of it, but apparently such is life. Point is, no one says anything, so it's all good for the time being.

I stayed back after school on friday to talk with my homeroom teacher. I can never get out what I need to get out. We focused on my pain, and I cried. It's harsh I guess. But what do you do?

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG and Hope

The Universe Really does Hate Me, and Possibly Pirate too.

I got home from school this afternoon to find my fish Jaws dead. I'm thinking now "c'mon man! Why do my fish keep dying!"


So we took a sample of the water to our local aquarium, and they reckon it's not the water killing the fish. I'm just unlucky (I'll say).


When Fanta died, Pirate was too lonely, staring into the corner of his tank and such. So I got a new fish while we were there. I picked out this grey type fish, with pale gold markings, not unlike those of a tiger. When they were putting him in his 'take home' bag, they added this anti-stress liquid to the water. For the threeodd hours I've had this fish, he's been sitting on the bottom of the tank looking completely stoned.



Now there's this show called The Wire that I watch. And one of the drug dealers is called Marlo. Now Marlo is this ultra serious dude, someone you don't cross. I think he's pretty cool. And following the druggy theme, my new fish's name is Marlo.



Marlo, my readers, readers Marlo:

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

FIGJAM

Call me weird, but I may just have a sixth sense for bad things on the horizon. And, I have to examples.


So last thursday, I felt really bad, really low. And I couldn't work out why. So I go to period one english and the teacher tells me I have to resubmit my persuasive essay. (Bad thing no.1)


(Bad thing no.2) So this morning, I'm feeling bad again. And the girl next to me wanted to know what was wrong. I told her that I thought something bad was going to happen. And you know what. I was right, something bad happened. They dropped it on me at the beginning of period three that my mock job interview was today and not tomorrow as I originally thought.





So maybe I had a FIGJAM moment this afternoon.





And, my photo of the moment is:

I actually took in 'monochrome' (black and white function on my camera) and I happen to think that it's pretty cool. Maybe, it's too cool for school. Who knows?

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

Do we all Feel the Pain?

I'm sure I'm annoyed so why the confusion? And if I knew the answer to that I wouldnt pose the question now would I.

Wow. The amount of tape I went through today, just to get to school was incredible. Ankle, shin, calf, knee. And I was still in pain. Gotta love this universe, not. In fact, I can't even remember what it's like to not be in pain. I have absolutely no recollection of that feeling. Some of you may think, 'and?'. Well, to you I say, "you take the feeling of no pain for granted." Of that I am convinced, because I know I took that lovely pain free state for granted.
But, is anyone truly pain free in this world? Does anyone person immune to a constant pain? I don't know. Perhaps we all have our own hurt. Physical, mental.

Now you wonder why I spoke of this, and then you think you totally understand. And well, to help you totally understand, imagine feeling the worst pain you've ever felt during your life span.
Now imagine living with that for two years, two months and twenty-four days.

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

Styrofoam

What do you do when life gets you down?

Any spare time I have, is filled with homework. So I didn't do any tonight. Now that may or may not come back to bite me tomorrow, but we'll see. I don't know what I'll say if I get pulled up th0ugh. I'm sure I'll come up with something reasonably plausible.

I gave my english teacher lip today. But I'm of the opinion that she should listen to students or just not teach. If she can't hear me, then there's clearly problems, because I am loud.
It's like, people who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was. Indeed that is the truth. But it's interesting how different situations affect my loudness. When I'm at work, I'm fairly quiet, talk softly to the horses. But at school, I roar. It's all interesting. Maybe it's the people. Not that I'm not comfortable with the people from work. They're all loud, they like me. But.. I don't know. And this entire paragraph looks like a load of crap now. Just pointless ramble. But that's what I do right?

And, I think that things are going reasonably well because there are no new marks, and I can't remember how many days it's been. Not like a week or anything, but still a reasonable amount of space.

But wow, the styrofoam ball. I love it. Most fun I've had in ages. My poor friend totally embarrased herself when our homeroom teacher watched her chasing it though. My god we laughed.

I spose that's it, because I don't feel I should ramble on anymore tonight.

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

Someone Out There...

Another day goes by.

I'm not required at work this weekend, so I'm off to the races, and I get to briefly see Hope! Win-Win situation there.

At school though, it's a different story.
When I stand up, the blood drains from my head dramatically.
I cried.
I was told I have to rewrite an entire essay because I bombed out in paragraphing and the teacher couldn't understand it. She's the one who told me to change the paragraphs in the first place!?
Yes, I'm angry.
Sad.
Tired.
Exhausted.
Low.
Down.
Unhappy.

I dunno what other words I can use. But gawd. Someone out there really has it in for me.

Bye for now but not forever,
- the original CG and Hope

The Universe is Sending Me Subliminal Messages

So it's been awhile.


In that while I finally got to strap Justice, and he promptly ran like crap. I think it's because he disapproved of the rain affected track. But we'll never know now. That very same day I said goodbye. It seems a bit silly now that I cried. But I liken it to losing a best friend. He was my mate, my horse and that was special. He knew me, and I knew him. We bonded and trusted eachother.
It was the hardest thing walking away that afternoon knowing the when I returned to the stable a week later he wouldn't be there hanging his head over the stall door waiting.

But it's all gone now.

Strapping my boy

But, for all the bad there is good news. Two weeks on I have my new horse. A filly this time, unraced. And thus the journey begins again. Her name is Hope Downs, but for the purpose of this blog she will be Hope. This is where I complain about the subliminal messages. First I get Justice and now I have Hope. What are they trying to tell me? We'll work on that as we go I guess.

She's a bit funny Hope. She was mine the moment I walked her to the wash bay. They decided that she was a nice horse for me and I was taken. Initially she was totally against my patting her face, painting her hooves and doing anything in general. She even ignored me when I tried to talk to her when I finished for the morning. But she posed for a photo, which was nice.

I then took my new camera to the races (great success >> photos) and when I returned to the stables late that afternoon to pick up some magazines she was more than happy to be my friend. There were even no objections to me patting her face. Dad however, was a different story. She wasn't too keen on him at first.

But that's my Hope. Yep, my Hope. It's exciting now. Starting again.

My new beautiful girl

Bye for now but not forever,

- the original CG (and no longer Justice) and Hope