So I totally Forgot about Doco Night on 7Mate and Now I've missed It

Today's weight: 69.5kg

As I was standing on the scales today I realised that posting my weight on this blog is only feeding my obsession. I also realised that this probably wouldn't change how I feel about myself. So I continued to stand on the scales and berate myself for weighing so much. I realise I'm not fat, I really do. I'm just worried about about weighing more than 70kg. Is that so irrational?

But, I definitely did forget about doco night and I definitely missed an interesting air crash investigation and I'm very disappointed! However, I got to watch a ship sink and now there's something about the Universe and space travel, so all is not lost. Ah, yes it is. Dad just put the cricket on. [I thought about mentioning the death of my brain cells, but then I remembered that I actually like cricket, so it would be misleading to write that]

So I'm feeling pretty blah tonight. But I have some news. I am two days clean of cuts. Now I am fairly sure I've just jinxed myself, but we'll see. Point is, two days.... So yay? I dunno. I'm not feeling yay about it all. It's not even that I went out of my way to stop, I just went to do it and thought "Why do I do this again?" There's this whole long list of reasons that I feel justify my behaviour [and do justify it indeed depending on whom you talk to] but nothing on that list seemed relevant and I felt like I was doing it out of habit, it was a routine. And if it's simply a routine then what is the value of continuing it?

I don't know whether my mood has evened out, or I've just slept a lot more than I needed to and am thus more prepared to deal with things. Actually, I don't know that my moods have evened out much at all. I'm still particularly snappy with people. Say the wrong thing and you shall die [a horribly slow and painful death in my head].

I think that'll do for tonight. I'm getting a touch distracted.

- CG